swordage: Envy from Fullmetal Alchemist (x envy)
[personal profile] swordage
Title: Sleep, Child, Sleep
Series: Fullmetal Alchemist
Rating: PG
For [livejournal.com profile] miss_arel, whose story Changed For Good has long inspired me to take chances with ideas that I know are awesome. Yes, this is fanfic for a fanfic.

At first it was the homunculi that kept him awake, creeping by his locked door all hours of the night. The sound of Gluttony shuffling by made him shiver in fear, imagining in detail those bunt teeth sliding through the door as though it were a stick of butter. The short clip of Lust's heels made him clench his eyes shut, pretending to be asleep and uninteresting - but worst of all was no sound. Envy made no sound when he chose to slide inside, sometimes seeming to simply melt through the locked door, waking Tucker the moment he had settled into restless dreams. Silence was far worse than any noise, because silence could hold anything.

It was only later that he lay awake but deaf long into the pale morning hours. He had stopped listening, because anything he heard wouldn't hurt him badly enough to kill him, and anything he couldn't hear would do as it pleased. He would curl under the covers and take up only a tiny part of the bed and settle down to rest as much as he could, and just as he was drifting off that sound would jerk him awake.

Metal. Bearings shifting, servos humming, every involuntary twitch of his finger setting off a chain reaction of machine noise. He could never get used to it, the metal not-limbs that were not his own. Flesh was flesh, a body was a body, but this automail... It was no part of him. And he was never allowed to forget who he'd stolen the precious machines from, who he'd taken years of lifespan from for his own use, whose hard-worked body he'd stepped into. But Envy took those things from him, those pale and dirty benefits of his sins. Envy held what life he'd stolen hostage; Envy would pry off the automail and clip it back on just to hear him scream with borrowed pain; Envy kept him caged until his muscles grew slack. It was only what he deserved. He hated it.

He couldn't sleep, and so he'd lie awake and think of what he should have done and not what he will do.
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